Father-daughter relationships among adolescents in Shanghai - UCL Discovery
There is little evidence of 'pure relationships' in the Giddens sense as fathers do the subjective experiences of Chinese fathers and daughters and illuminates. Xu, Qiong; () Father-daughter relationships among adolescents in Contemporary Chinese families are experiencing an increasingly rapid pace of. Father-daughter relationships during girls' adolescence in urban China by Qiong Xu ([email protected]). Contextualization. Contemporary Chinese families are.
Some rural fathers with less than nine years of education simply rejected the tender, expressive father image.
Being a Chinese Daughter – Be Yourself
But I think it should be the other way around! Adult daughters who had close father-child relationships readily recounted the pleasant conversations they had had with their father. One year-old female, who fondly recalled her father talking to her about life and her future plans, remembered that: A year-old female fondly remem- bered how she would run to her father for emotional support every time her mother criticized her: On the other hand, if the father was not actively involved, failed to be verbally engaging, or frequently quarreled with the mother, the father-daughter rela- tionship was recalled as less warm and often outright hostile.
At the same time, the changes in the organization of the contemporary urban Chinese family, instead of bearing the signature of traditional Chinese culture or socialist societies, seem to be consistent with a worldwide pattern that is inclined toward the formation of a nuclear or conjugal family, in which interpersonal interactions specifically, spousal interactions are less characterized by detachment and more colored by emotional expression. These transformational forces, when linked with social- ist-inspired egalitarian values and the reemergence of a competitive market economy, altered the way Chinese masculinity was envisaged and performed.
A growing body of social science research has documented a profound shift away from fatherly indifference toward the assumption of a more nurturing persona. Our research findings are consistent with this literature. We found strong evidence for positive, albeit emergent, parent-child interactions primarily among but not restricted to the college-educated stratum in second-tier Chinese cities such as Hohhot and Nanjing. Patriarchal sentiment, which might be found in other contexts and could be manifested in the stern father role upheld by some especially less well-educated fathers, is no longer as apparent in most parent-child interactions as it was just a few decades ago.
Through friendly, gentle guidance of their only children, contemporary Chinese fathers embody a refined, hybrid synthesis of traditional masculine particularly wen traits and newly emerging behavioral patterns such as assertiveness, confidence, passion, and emotional demonstrativeness.
Our findings reveal, at least within the parenting domain, a strong cross- regional homogeneity. While being conscious of the regional differences in the way masculinities are expressed, both in the conventional folk ideal e.
We are also aware that such homogeneity might not extend to Hong Kong or Taiwan, which will be discussed in greater detail in other chapters in this volume. These regions have completely different modern histories that have involved more intense forms of colonization, earlier openness to global markets, and greater in and out migration than the Mainland Hsiao Without the disruption of the Cultural Revolution, Taiwan and Hong Kong are also consid- ered to have stronger identification with traditional Chinese culture, including its gender norms; such continuity might have been further consolidated in recent decades as a reaction to the rise of the socialist Mainland.
The different histories and current social realities of these regions yielded different cultural experi- ences for members of these societies, and hence shaped their gender and family ideals in different ways. Given the dearth of comparative studies that encompass different societies of the Chinese culture, it would be an interesting enterprise to further explore how the respective masculinity ideals and behavioral styles of Chinese men in Taiwan, Hong Kong, and the Mainland have developed in similar or divergent ways.
Our observations further suggest that Chinese men carefully negotiate different facets of their masculini- ties as part of the everyday juggling act between various interpersonal bonds in the public and private spheres. While these facets can, at times, contradict each other, our research found that there seems to be a synergy at least in the marital and parental domains. In this way, the often-competing notions of proper mas- culinities provide an unexpected vibrancy to the contemporary image of Chinese manhood which, for too long, has been imagined as being a constructed persona situated along the wen-wu continuum.
References Chuang, Susan, and Yanjie Su. Berman and Frank A. The Religious System of China. Peasant Life in Rural China. Lineage in Southeastern China. University of London Press. World Revolution and Family Patterns. Blanchard, and Elizabeth Fawcett. Masculinities in Chinese History. Rowman and Littlefield Publishers.
Cross-Cultural Perspective, edited by Michael Lamb, — Taiwan, Hong Kong, Macao and China. Children and Childhood in Late Imperial China. Cultural and Biosocial Contexts, edited by Barry S. Sex, Death and Hierarchy in a Chinese City. Jankowiak, William, and Xuan Li.
Chinese Family and Society. The Family Revolution in Modern China. Li, Xuan, and Michael Lamb. From Stern Disciplinarians to Involved Parents. Society and Gender in China.
Louie, Kam, and Louise Edwards. Theorizing Wen and Wu. Lu, Hui Jing, and Lei Chang. An Example of Authoritative Parenting. Children, Rights and Modernity in China: My sister got the worst of it. As a disabled woman, she had spoken out about the stigma against speaking openly about disability in Asian cultures. Our aunt read it as a personal attack against our family. During that time our father agreed to meet with us once. He came to my house, and we sat at at my dining room table, in the very place that had so recently been filled with celebration.
Later that night, and many nights since then, he would return to find me inconsolably upset, and instead of running away he would hold me and offer consolation any way he could. How can we make things right again? He told us he loved us. I wiped errant tears from my stubborn face and stared at the wall. Before he left we gave him an ultimatum: Give us some time. A month, maybe more. See a therapist and begin the work of learning how to rebuild healthy relationships.
Make fatherhood a priority and stop letting his sister dictate his relationship to us. Confront his own traumatic past and learn to heal himself. Then we could reconvene and see where things went.
That was the last time I saw my father. Soon afterward my sister and I received an email from our aunt. We were no longer a part of the family, it read. She would let everyone know that we were no longer welcome and that they were no longer to speak our names.
She had attached a long document, a personal letter outlining all of the ways in which I was a disappointment to the family. My sister received her own personalized letter of rejection.
It would be months more before I was able to begin processing what this loss would look like in my life. After constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, the news almost came as a relief. I never opened the letter. The last time I saw my father I was left feeling empty.
In retrospect, those weeks and months in the emotional fallout of being disowned are a dizzying wave of anger and hopelessness. I cried a lot. I drank a lot.
Sometimes I just did nothing a lot. Through it all, though, I felt an acute sense of relief. I no longer had to pretend to be a good Chinese daughter. I could not hope to someday have children of my own while carrying the weight of cultural guilt, passing on the traumas of those before me in silent succession. As time passed, though, I began to feel that I had lost a part of myself.
Being disowned left me feeling somehow less Chinese, unclaimed by the culture that had played so prominently in my upbringing. This sense is patterned by the setting, timing and manner of parental interaction with the child. There are several developmental stages of parent-child interaction: During the infant stages the mother is the more involved parent, whereas the father becomes more involved when the child reaches the childhood stage three to six years old. This is especially so if the father is highly educated.
There are also gender differences in parentchild caretaking styles. For example, women typically hold a child close to their body, while men hold the child away from their body. Mothers are also more patient and will wait twice as long before picking up a recalcitrant child. When walking together, however, women rarely walk ahead of a child, while men do.
The style of conversation also differs between mothers and fathers. If a mother holds the child she rarely talks to it, but as soon as she starts walking, she breaks into a continuous mode of verbal coaching and patter this pattern is less so in southwest China. The mother cares for a sick child, dresses the child for school, and scolds the child when he or she misbehaves. The father remains somewhat aloof and only takes on the disciplinary role when something serious occurs.
As a child enters late childhood, parents become sensitive about touching a child in public. This is especially so for father-daughter relations but not mother-son interaction.